We just never know

 This is one of my Mom's favorite cactus plants in her yard..  The color is incredible! 

This weekend, my mom's pulse rate dropped blow 40. She was in the kitchen when it happened and yelled out.. "I don't feel good!" I got her back to bed.  First check is her blood sugar. It was okay.. next her BP. The machine wasn't working. I was grabbing a bucket and trying to change the batteries at the same time. Finally got the machine working. I think what happened was her BP was too low for the machine to work. It worked on me.. than after a while, it worked on her. Her bp was 110/60  but her heart rate was only 40. I gave her nausea medicine and monitored her heart rate. Called my sister who is an RN.  My mom was hungry (good sign) so she ate toast and a bowl of my chicken soup. She slept most of the day and I continued to watch her close. 

I called her Doctor this morning and they said that they will let the doctor know. If she had breathing problems or the nausea lasted longer to take her to ER..   

So, now I wait. Wait to see what happens.

This is the hard part about this whole situation. 

My Mom is 85..  it always occurs to me that this might be it.

This might be the last moments. 

I feel so helpless..

 I know it's coming and there is not one thing I can do to prevent it.   I try to push thoughts out of my mind.. and take one step at a time. I've dealt with loss before.. my dad. 

But this, this is my mom.  

The woman who gave her whole life to her family. 

Over my life time, my heart has been broken.. chewed up and spit out! I don't know how much one heart can take.

I know life is full of those knee jerking moments, I'm not the only one and I know there is always someone who is worse off. 

I am thankful for having my Mom all the years I have.. it's just, not easy to let go.

Time

 Finished another painting. I'm really enjoying oils! It's been fun. I find it both a challenge and gratifying to spend time using my creative self! It sure helps to relax me. Keeps my mind busy at the same time. 

Time is something that goes so slowly.. when it comes to waiting.. but yet goes so fast when it comes to the reality of years that have passed by over time.  

Being in "LIMBO" has gotten easier to cope with.. having painting to set my mind on.

With the exception of how expensive this can be..  I wish I had started sooner with oils. I've been painting for over 3 years now.. but with acrylics and what ever brushes I could find cheap.  I think this was the next step in developing my love of the art!

Funny, not funny, ha ha, but funny, interesting.. how both my sister

 (who is 10 years older than me)  and I began painting at the same time with out either one of us knowing about the other.. over the years, we have found similar connections to likes and dislikes. She has been using oils, since her beginning and is quite an accomplished artist now.. winning awards. Her paintings have been valued at over eight thousand dollars.  I'm so proud of her! 

The best thing about all of this, is that we, sisters, get to spend time together painting. This is the first time in our lives that we have lived in the same town.  I'm so inspired by her zest for living.. it's contagious! 

I have someone to share Mom with.. and that is wonderful support not only from my sister but her husband. Together they are my support team that keeps me together..

Family.. makes my world go round.

I'm praying that the LORD will heal the hurts in my children so that they too, will be able to reap the benefits of family time and family support in living life!

I'm so thankful for my youngest daughter.. the granddaughters she has blessed me with. I enjoy every minute with them.. time does go too fast sometimes.. and those moments are over.

I'm learning to take it all in.. my surroundings, my blessings. God is Good!